9. Regular Relational Healing

Getting back in balance mentally, physically, relationally, spiritually, cosmically

WHY ARE HEALING PRACTICES IMPORTANT?

No one is perfect. Humans are fallible. We make mistakes, whatever age we are. Sometimes parents make mistakes and sometimes children live for years with primal wounds from those mistakes. 

We can get out of balance physically, emotionally, psychologically or spiritually. For example, we can get caught up in thinking too much, striving too much, trying to control others. We can forget how to be present, in the moment and to others. We can be distracted off the path to fulfilling our deeper purpose. 

All of us need regular healing of unexpressed or gripping emotions like resentment, anger, grief and sadness. We need to let go of our emotions or else they can inhibit our ability to be present to others, including our children. They can make us do things we regret later.

Healing practices can mend a wounded self or a weakened relationship. So it is good to build routines for relational healing as well as self healing.

Self healing might be needed when one notices distraction and lack of focus (“something is bothering me”) or when one feels emotionally detached from a situation where it would be expected otherwise. In a relationship, signals include bitterness, resentment or contempt, or withdrawal and distrust. One learns to nip these in the bud before they get deep roots and completely destroy the relationship. 

We can get out of balance relationally with the natural world, forgetting our partnership responsibilities to the living earth to respect waterways, soil, insects, plants and animals. Relational healing is required here too. Daily mindfulness and gratitude practices are needed. 

WHAT EVERYONE CAN DO

Individuals can practice self-healing, though it may be better started with some help from a therapist or patient friends. Practices include journaling about one’s day or one’s feelings (one might need to practice this for a while if one has learned to “stuff” feelings away). Creative approaches include drawing or painting or singing or dancing out one’s feelings (in safe ways),. Even yelling (so as not to hurt self or others) can help, like yelling out the car window by a freeway that muffles the sound. Sometimes one has to get angry/sad to let go of long hidden old, old wounds.

To heal relationships, we take up practices that participants agree on. 

For parents and children, play acting can be a way to work through unmet needs, resentments or fears. Stuffed animals or other toys can be used. Parents should let children lead the way. (See the book, Playful Parenting by Cohen.) Sometimes, playing chase or wrestling can release the feelings and bring about connection. 

Creative arts can also be helpful if the child is in charge of the expressions. 

For adult relationships, play acting can work too. Try our 28 Days of Solo Play.

Whatever leads the partners to mutual laughter is always beneficial. Giving each other the benefit of the doubt and forgiving each other a dozen times a day can help lower expectations that the other is supposed to perfectly do one’s bidding.

A nonviolent way to solve problems or heal broken relationships and trust is a talking circle. These can be used within the family, among friends or community members. The format is egalitarian. Talking circles have particular rules with the basic assumption that the circle “talks” when everyone listens. In fact, the most important aspect of a talking circle is listening: listening to what others say without judgment or resistance, making room for different truths, without agenda or thinking about what you will say. Everyone has the opportunity to speak when they hold the “talking stick” (or other item) passed around from person to person. No one has to speak when their turn comes. The circle can continue until it feels completed to all members (or until the time frame concludes). What is said in the circle is confidential, not to be shared. Each person expresses their feelings from their “heart,” (e.g., using “I feel” statements). 

Talking circles can take some time, but restoring trust among members is vital for successful cooperation on subsequent projects. 

BOOKS 

Narvaez, D., & Bradshaw, G.A. (2023). The Evolved Nest: Nature’s Way Of Raising Children And Creating Connected Communities. North Atlantic Books.

Topa, Wahinkpe (Four Arrows), & Narvaez, D. (2022). Restoring the kinship worldview: Indigenous voices introduce 28 precepts for rebalancing life on planet earth. North Atlantic Books.

Narvaez, D., Four Arrows, Halton, E., Collier, B., Enderle, G. (Eds.) (2019). Indigenous Sustainable Wisdom: First Nation Know-how for Global Flourishing. New York: Peter Lang.

Narvaez, D. (Ed.)  (2018). Basic needs, wellbeing and morality: Fulfilling human potential. Palgrave-MacMillan.

Narvaez, D. (2016). Embodied morality: Protectionism, engagement and imagination. Palgrave-Macmillan.

Narvaez, D., Braungart-Rieker, J., Miller, L., Gettler, L., & Hastings, P. (Eds.). (2016). Contexts for young child flourishing: Evolution, family and society. Oxford University Press.

Narvaez, D. (2014). Neurobiology and the development of human morality: Evolution, culture and wisdom. Norton.

Narvaez, D., Valentino, K., McKenna, J., Fuentes, A., & Gray, P. (Eds.) (2014). Ancestral landscapes in human evolution: Culture, childrearing and social wellbeing. Oxford University Press.

Narvaez, D., Panksepp, J., Schore, A., & Gleason, T. (Eds.) (2013). Evolution, early experience and human development: From research to practice and policy. Oxford University Press.

PHILOSOPHICAL GROUNDING

Narvaez, D. (2021). Species-typical phronesis for a living planet. In M. De Caro & M.S. Vaccarezza (Eds.), Practical Wisdom: Philosophical and Psychological Perspectives (pp. 160-180). London: Routledge.

Narvaez, D. (2020). Ecocentrism: Resetting baselines for virtue development. Ethical Theory and Moral Practice, 23, 391–406. https://doi.org/10.1007/s10677-020-10091-2

Narvaez, D. (2019). Humility in four forms: Intrapersonal, interpersonal, community, and ecological. In J. Wright (Ed.), Humility (pp. 117-145). In book series, Multidisciplinary perspectives on virtues (N. Snow & D. Narvaez, series eds.). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

Narvaez, D. (2018). Ethogenesis: Evolution, early experience and moral becoming. In J. Graham & K. Gray (Eds.), The Atlas of Moral Psychology (pp. 451-464). New York, NY: Guilford Press.

Narvaez, D. (2017). Evolution, childrearing and compassionate morality.  In Paul Gilbert (Ed.), Compassion: Conceptualisations, Research and Use in Psychotherapy (pp. 78-186). London: Routledge.

Narvaez, D. (2017). Are we losing it? Darwin’s moral sense and the importance of early experience. In. R. Joyce (Ed.), Routledge Handbook of Evolution and Philosophy (pp. 322-332). London: Routledge.

Narvaez, D. (2016). Goodness, survival and flourishing. Philosophical News, 12, 56-64.

Narvaez, D. (2016). Baselines for virtue. In J. Annas, D. Narvaez, & N. Snow  (Eds.), Developing the virtues: Integrating perspectives (pp. 14-33). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

CHILD RAISING AND CHILD DEVELOPMENT: EMPIRICAL PAPERS

Narvaez, D., Gleason, T., Tarsha, M., Woodbury, R., Cheng, A., Wang, L. (2021). Sociomoral temperament: A mediator between wellbeing and social outcomes in young children. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 5111. DOI: 10.3389/fpsyg.2021.742199

Tarsha, M. S., & Narvaez, D. (2021). Effects of adverse childhood experience on physiological regulation are moderated by evolved developmental niche history. Anxiety, Stress & Coping. DOI: 10.1080/10615806.2021.1989419

Gleason, T., Tarsha, M.S., Narvaez, D., & Kurth, A. (2021). Opportunities for free play and young children’s autonomic regulation. Developmental Psychobiology, 63 (6), e22134. https://doi.org/10.1002/dev.22134

Narvaez, D., Gleason, T., Tarsha, M., Woodbury, R., Cheng, A., Wang, L. (2021). Sociomoral temperament: A mediator between wellbeing and social outcomes in young children. Frontiers in Psychology, 12, 5111. DOI: 10.3389/fpsyg.2021.742199

Narvaez, D., Wang, L., Cheng, A., Gleason, T., Woodbury, R., Kurth, A., & Lefever, J.B. (2019). The importance of early life touch for psychosocial and moral development. Psicologia: Reflexão e Crítica, 32:16 (open access). doi.org/10.1186/s41155-019-0129-0

Narvaez, D., Woodbury, R., Gleason, T., Kurth, A., Cheng, A., Wang, L., Deng, L., Gutzwiller-Helfenfinger, E., Christen, M., & Näpflin, C. (2019). Evolved Development Niche provision: Moral socialization, social maladaptation and social thriving in three countries. Sage Open, 9(2). https://doi.org/10.1177/2158244019840123

Narvaez, D., Wang, L, & Cheng, A. (2016). Evolved Developmental Niche History: Relation to adult psychopathology and morality. Applied Developmental Science, 20(4), 294-309. http://dx.doi.org/10.1080/10888691.2015.1128835

Gleason, T., Narvaez, D., Cheng, A., Wang, L., & Brooks, J. (2016). Wellbeing and sociomoral development in preschoolers: The role of maternal parenting attitudes consistent with the Evolved Developmental Niche. In D. Narvaez, J. Braungart-Rieker, L. Miller, L. Gettler, & P. Hastings (Eds.), Contexts for young child flourishing: Evolution, family and society (166-184). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

Narvaez, D., Gleason, T., Wang, L., Brooks, J., Lefever, J., Cheng, A., & Centers for the Prevention of Child Neglect (2013). The Evolved Development Niche: Longitudinal effects of caregiving practices on early childhood psychosocial development. Early Childhood Research Quarterly, 28 (4), 759–773. Doi: 10.1016/j.ecresq.2013.07.003

Narvaez, D., Wang, L., Gleason, T., Cheng, A., Lefever, J., & Deng, L.  (2013). The Evolved Developmental Niche and sociomoral outcomes in Chinese three-year-olds. European Journal of Developmental Psychology, 10(2), 106-127.

REVIEW PAPERS of Child Raising and Human Development 

Tarsha, M., & Narvaez, D. (2024). Humanity’s evolved developmental niche and its relation to cardiac vagal regulation in the first years of life. Early Human Development. 10.1016/j.earlhumdev.2024.106033

Tarsha, M., & Narvaez, D. (2023). The Evolved Nest, oxytocin functioning and prosocial development. Frontiers in Psychology, 14:1113944. doi: 10.3389/fpsyg.2023.1113944

Narvaez, D. (2022). First friendships: Foundations for peace. Peace Review Special Issue on Friendship, Peace and Social Justice, 34(3), 377-389. https://doi.org/10.1080/10402659.2022.2092398

Gleason, T., & Narvaez, D. (2019). Beyond resilience to thriving: Optimizing child wellbeing. International Journal of Wellbeing, 9(4), 60-79. DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.5502/ijw.v9i4.987

Narvaez, D. (2019).  Evolution and the parenting ecology of moral development. In D. Laible, L. Padilla-Walker & G. Carlo (Eds.), Oxford handbook of parenting and moral development (pp. 91-106). New York: Oxford University Press.

POLICY and PRACTICE related to Wellbeing and Child Raising

Narvaez, D., & Duckett, L.  (2020). Ethics in early life care and lactation practice. Journal of Human Lactation. 36, 1-10. https://doi.org/10.1177/0890334419888454

Narvaez, D., & Witherington, D. (2018). Getting to baselines for human nature, development and wellbeing. Archives of Scientific Psychology, 6 (1), 205-213. DOI: 10.1037/arc0000053

Narvaez, D., & Noble, R. (2018). The notion of basic needs. In D. Narvaez (Ed.), Basic needs, wellbeing and morality: Fulfilling human potential (pp. 1-15).  New York: Palgrave-MacMillan.

Noble, R., Kurth, A., & Narvaez, D. (2018). Measuring basic needs satisfaction and its relation to health and wellbeing. In D. Narvaez (Ed.), Basic needs, wellbeing and morality: Fulfilling human potential (pp. 17-49).  New York: Palgrave-MacMillan.

Noble, R., Kurth, A., & Narvaez, D. (2018).  Basic needs satisfaction and its relation to childhood experience. In D. Narvaez (Ed.), Basic needs, wellbeing and morality: Fulfilling human potential (pp. 51-89).  New York: Palgrave-MacMillan.

Kurth, A., & Narvaez, D. (2018).  Basic needs satisfaction and its relation to socio-morality capacities and behavior. In D. Narvaez (Ed.), Basic needs, wellbeing and morality: Fulfilling human potential (pp. 91-133).  New York: Palgrave-MacMillan.

Narvaez, D. (2018). Basic needs and fulfilling human potential. In D. Narvaez (Ed.), Basic needs, wellbeing and morality: Fulfilling human potential (pp. 135-161).  New York: Palgrave-MacMillan.

Narvaez, D. (2018). Epilogue: The future of basic needs fulfillment. In D. Narvaez (Ed.), Basic needs, wellbeing and morality: Fulfilling human potential (pp. 163-166).  New York: Palgrave-MacMillan.

Narvaez, D. (2017). Getting back on track to being human. Interdisciplinary Journal of Partnership Studies, 4(1), March 2, 2017. Online free: DOI: https://doi.org/10.24926/ijps.v4i1.151 

Narvaez, D., Gettler, L., Braungart-Rieker, J., Miller-Graff, L., & Hastings, P.  (2016). The flourishing of young Children: Evolutionary baselines. In Narvaez, D., Braungart-Rieker, J., Miller, L., Gettler, L., & Harris, P. (Eds.), Contexts for young child flourishing: Evolution, family and society (pp. 3-27). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

Narvaez, D., Hastings, P., Braungart-Rieker, J., Miller-Graff, L., & Gettler, L. (2016). Young child flourishing as an aim for society. In Narvaez, D., Braungart-Rieker, J., Miller, L., Gettler, L., & Hastings, P. (Eds.), Contexts for young child flourishing: Evolution, family and society (pp. 347-359). New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

Narvaez, D. (2015). Understanding flourishing: Evolutionary baselines and morality. Journal of Moral Education, 44(3), 253-262.

Narvaez, D., & Gleason, T. (2013). Developmental optimization. In D. Narvaez, J., Panksepp, A. Schore, & T. Gleason (Eds.), Evolution, Early Experience and Human Development: From Research to Practice and Policy (pp. 307-325). New York: Oxford University Press.

Narvaez, D., Panksepp, J., Schore, A., & Gleason, T. (2013). The value of using an evolutionary framework for gauging children’s well-being.  Evolution, Early Experience and Human Development: From Research to Practice and Policy (pp. 3-30). New York: Oxford University Press.

Narvaez, D., Panksepp, J., Schore, A., & Gleason, T. (2013). The Future of human nature: Implications for research, policy, and ethics. In D. Narvaez, J., Panksepp, A. Schore, & T. Gleason (Eds.), Evolution, Early Experience and Human Development: From Research to Practice and Policy (pp. 455-468). New York: Oxford University Press.

Gleason, T., & Narvaez, D. (2014). Child environments and flourishing. In D. Narvaez, K. Valentino, A., Fuentes, J., McKenna, & P. Gray (Eds.), Ancestral Landscapes in Human Evolution: Culture, Childrearing and Social Wellbeing (pp. 335-348).  New York: Oxford University Press.

Narvaez, D., Gray, P., McKenna, J., Fuentes, A., & Valentino, K. (2014). Children’s development in light of evolution and culture. In D. Narvaez, K. Valentino, A., Fuentes, J., McKenna, & P. Gray (Eds.), Ancestral Landscapes in Human Evolution: Culture, Childrearing and Social Wellbeing (pp. 3-17).  New York: Oxford University Press.

INDIGENOUS WISDOM

Kurth, A., Kohn, R., Bae, A., & Narvaez, D. (2020). Nature connection: A 3-week intervention increased ecological attachment, Ecopsychology, 12(2), 1-17. DOI: 10.1089/eco.2019.0038

Narvaez, D., Four Arrows, Halton, E., Collier, B., Enderle, G., & Nozick, R.  (2019). People and planet in need of sustainable wisdom. In Narvaez, D., Four Arrows, Halton, E., Collier, B., Enderle, G. (Eds.), Indigenous sustainable wisdom: First Nation knowhow for global flourishing (pp. 1-24). New York: Peter Lang.

Narvaez, D. (2019). Original practices for becoming and being human. In Narvaez, D., Four Arrows, Halton, E., Collier, B., Enderle, G. (Eds.), Indigenous sustainable wisdom: First Nation knowhow for global flourishing (pp. 90-110). New York: Peter Lang.

Four Arrows, & Narvaez, D. (2016). Reclaiming our indigenous worldview: A more authentic baseline for social/ecological justice work in education. In N. McCrary & W. Ross (Eds.), Working for social justice inside and outside the classroom: A community of teachers, researchers, and activists (pp. 93-112). In series, Social justice across contexts in education (S.J. Miller & L.D. Burns, Eds.). New York, NY: Peter Lang.

Narvaez, D. (2013). The 99%–Development and socialization within an evolutionary context: Growing up to become  “A good and useful human being.” In D. Fry (Ed.), War, Peace and Human Nature: The convergence of Evolutionary and Cultural Views (pp. 643-672).  New York: Oxford University Press.

ADULT NESTEDNESS and INDIGENOUS/KINSHIP WORLDVIEW

Narvaez, D. (2024). Returning to evolved nestedness, wellbeing, and mature human nature, an ecological imperative. Review of General Psychology, 28(2), 83-105. https://doi.org/10.1177/1089268023122403 (text at ResearchGate)

Narvaez, D. (2024). What happened to species-typical human nature? In L. Sundararajan & A. Dueck (Eds.), Values and Indigenous psychology in the age of the machine and market: When the gods have fled (pp. 25-48). Palgrave-Macmillan. (text at ResearchGate)

Tarsha, M.S., & Narvaez, D. (2023). The developmental neurobiology of moral mindsets: Basic needs and childhood experience. In M. Berg & E. Chang (Eds.), Motivation & morality: A biopsychosocial approach (pp. 187–204). APA Books.

Narvaez, D., & Tarsha, M. (2021). The missing mind: Contrasting civilization with non-civilization development and functioning. In T. Henley & M. Rossano (Eds.), Psychology and cognitive archaeology: An Interdisciplinary approach to the study of the human mind (pp. 55-69). London: Routledge.

Narvaez, D. (2019). Moral development and moral values: Evolutionary and neurobiological influences.  In D. P. McAdams, R. L. Shiner, & J. L. Tackett (Eds.), Handbook of personality (pp. 345-363). New York, NY: Guilford.

Narvaez, D. (2019). In search of baselines: Why psychology needs cognitive archaeology. In T. Henley, M. Rossano & E. Kardas (Eds.), Handbook of cognitive archaeology: A psychological framework (pp. 104-119). London: Routledge.

Tarsha, M. S., & Narvaez, D. (2022). Effects of adverse childhood experience on physiological regulation are moderated by evolved developmental niche history. Anxiety, Stress & Coping, 35(4):488-500. DOI: 10.1080/10615806.2021.1989419

Gleason, T., & Narvaez, D. (2019). Beyond resilience to thriving: Optimizing child wellbeing. International Journal of Wellbeing, 9(4), 60-79. DOI: http://dx.doi.org/10.5502/ijw.v9i4.987