A New Generation's Insights

By Lauren Heller*

“We are living in a state of ‘social poverty’.” This was the last sentence that Professor Narváez spoke in our class this past Thursday, and it is safe to say that I have been thinking about it ever since. In general, I feel like I am aware of the lack of social skills that are displayed by people today. Clearly we are victims of it, judging from how hard it was for all of us to make eye contact with each other and smile when we were walking to the beat of the music that Professor Narvaez was playing during the “icebreaker” activity last Tuesday. But, this class has already revealed to me that the individualistic society that we live in is so much more isolating and alarming than I previously understood it to be. 

 I have often heard new parents say that they “let their babies cry it out.” From what I understand, they do this because they do not want to raise a “needy” baby by responding to their every beck and call. This idea simply contradicts what it means to be a human being in general because all of us are needy, whether we want to admit it or not. We need nourishment, warmth, affection, bonding, community, and play, just to name a few (Narvaez, 2014, 2016). Today’s society is suppressing, and even denying, so many of these needs. For example, for some reason, people who claim to be “individualistic” are held up on a social pedestal, while those who ask for help in the community are considered weak. Why? Why can’t we, as humans, just admit that we need each other?

 We, as a society, are falling farther and farther away from the ways in which our ancestors built and maintained families so many years ago because “through the neglect of children’s various primary social-emotional needs, our society may be starting to normalize abnormality” (Narvaez, Panksepp, Schore, & Gleason, 2013, p. 16). Because it is now normal to strive for individuality, it is normal to suppress the need for affection. By neglecting a baby’s cry with intentions to help he or she grow up to be “independent”, we are denying their need to create a relationship with a caregiver, usually the mother, that is rooted in trust. Without sensitive care, there is no trust, and without trust, there are no secure attachments. 

 Furthermore, unfortunately, this destructive process that is started as early as infancy has implications that have a snowball effect on our lives as humans. In a video concerning John Bowlby and attachment theory, Anne Murphy, who works at the Center for Babies, Toddlers, and Families explains how when parents, who developed insecure attachments when they were children, hear their own children cry, it “triggers in them the unrelenting crying that they did.” In other words, because they never established a secure bond of trust with their caregiver, it is incredibly difficult for them to meet their own children’s needs. 

 “We are living in a state of social poverty.” These words have been echoing in the back of my mind all weekend. It makes me wonder what it’s going to take to encourage people to let their guard down and admit that they have needs to fulfill for their children, and that every single person has needs of their own. I think that a big part of the solution can be expressed in one word: vulnerability. It makes me wonder how humans today, who have grown to be so detached from each other, can mimic our hunter-gatherer ancestors in their ability to rally together and both admit that they need help and provide help for others. 

References

Narvaez, D., Panksepp, J., Schore, A. N., Gleason, T. R. (2013). Evolution, Early Experience, and Human Development: From Research to Practice and Policy. New York, NY: Oxford University Press.

American Museum of Natural History. (2011). Science Bulletins: Attachment Theory—Understanding the Essential Bond. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kwxjfuPlArY.

*Lauren Heller was a senior at the University of Notre Dame in a class called Parenting, Morality and Nature Connection in the Anthropocene when this was written.